A Cry for Help

Rejection still stings. Even as a supposedly grown person, rejection cuts, deeply. Today I got rejected from something I thought I had a really good chance at getting to do. It was also something I would have been good at. Does that sound cocky? Maybe, but it’s true! Though that rejection hurts, I remembered something. Those that said thanks but no thanks DO NOT determine who I am or what I’m meant to do. I refuse to let their rejection take away from the purpose that God has made me for. Just because this opportunity didn’t work out doesn’t mean I’m not lost for more opportunity to work on my skills or be the person God has made me to be!
This situation also reminds me of something the Lord has been showing me lately. In all honesty, he’s been showing me A LOT of things. I mean like, A WHOLE LOT. Many of these things sting, more than rejection. Most of the things cause me to have the “OH man” moments. Moments that blow my mind and at the same time make think “I knew this, why haven’t I held to it.” The one that has been the focus of this week has been that my completeness, my wholeness comes from only one thing. It shouldn’t be difficult to figure out what that one thing is: THE LORD! It is again something I’ve known but you really realize that only He can and has made you whole when you are the ONLY single person sitting in a bible study. We were doing introductions and everybody was all like “And that’s my wife” or “that’s my husband” and then they would be like “we have a beautiful...” you get the picture. It got to me and I got to say this: “I’m Catherine or Scooter. I go to the seminary and I work at the preschool there on campus.” And then I got asked where I was from and proudly said Ruston, LA and threw my dog up (if you went to LA Tech or are from Ruston, you get that.) The only one in the room that just had myself. I have a family but they are at Home. I have no husband (the second time in as many weeks that has been blatantly pointed out). Right now, I just have me. Just me, no “smoking hot” husband. There’s not even a boyfriend (or apprently any hope of a boyfriend). Just me and Jesus. I guess I could say, as a friend of mine did after being asked if he was dating “I’m dating the Lord.”
Isn’t that the truth anyway. I’m working hard in my personal time with Him to know Him more and I want Him to know me more. I want to be myself in front of Him. I want Him to get me. Which He already does but as a human being and a usual selfish human being, tend to hold stuff back. Which isn’t healthy and it’s something I don’t want to do anymore. I want Him to transform me and be the thing that determines the kind of day I’m gonna have, not a rejection e-mail. I want Him to complete me not another human being. I want Him to direct and guide my path and what I do. I need Him to not anyone or anything else. I want that cup of coffee I have every morning with Him to be the beginning of a great day. I want Him to use me and use those babies I keep five days a week to be an extension of His kingdom. I want fullness to be only from Him and not from food or people or things.
It seems so simple, to rely on Him. The determination to be made complete only through the Good Lord seems reasonable but it is so hard. Like I said earlier, I can be a selfish and foolish girl. I really don’t want to be but I am. That rejection hurt today because I thought that I was good enough and that I would have been one of the best hires this group has ever made (yeah, sometimes I think a lot of myself). That type of thinking is wrong. I wished my thinking had gone, “Well, OK. Thank you Lord for the opportunity to interview.” My focus need to change. I need to work on my relationship. The only relationship that will ever actually matter. Sure friendship are great and I love my friends. My family is a treasure. My work relationship are great but there’s only that matters and only one I want to matter.
Rejection hurts but realizing that your focus isn’t where it should be hurts more. Realizing that you’re looking for wholeness and acceptance from something outside of your relationship with the very one who created you and sees you as worthy of being rescued from eternal damnation is a cry for help. Thankfully, He hears my cry and He answers me. He welcomes me everytime I come back after realizing I’ve gone off track. Do you need that today? Refocus and run back to Him. Rediscover your love for being in a relationship with the only one that matters: The LORD.

peace. love, flowers & grace
CA